TONGUES
"Mom, how do you do that taco tongue thing?" (Followed by tongues hanging out of mouths and them not believing me that you can either do it or not...which I can. They can't. No matter how hard they try.)
"Mom, can you touch your nose with your tongue?" (No, nor do I want to. But Aunt Jenny can. Followed by more tongues hanging out of mouths pointed skyward.)
HAIR
"Mom, I'm 10 years old and you're still fixing my hair! Are you going to do it when I'm 23?" (Growl, well if she'd fix it RIGHT...ok, nvr. mind, she wins, point made.)
"Mom, I'm not cuttin my hair this winter. I need it to help me hibernate." (Followed by Kaleigh's lesson in the fact that bears do not really hibernate...what are they teaching these kids these days?...and newly spring cut hair! Yay, that shag mop had to go!)
BODY PARTS
While watching the stupidest-most-retardedest-movie-ever-created-and-I-got-to-say-"I told you so"-tonight...(Oh, that movie would be Monster House)...the 10 yr. old informed me that the chandelier was supposed to represent the boxing bag thingy at the back of your throat, to which the 7 year old corrected her by rolling his eyes and saying it was the "ooogula"!!! To which mom replied you mean the "uvula" to which both kids replied in unison "Who cares!" To which mom thought to herself...exactly!
7 year old returns from playdate and decides to refer to his maleness as his WEINER, which mom thinks is an ick word and says so. "Mom! I just meant it like the weiner dog!" To which 10 yr. old corrects while rolling HER eyes...the PC term is dachshund! To which now 7 yr. old maleness is termed the "dachshund", to which mom just rolls her eyes and thinks NVR mind.
TIME
"I'm coming." "I'll be there in a minute." "I SAID I was coming!" (Followed by my lecture of how we are not in Jamaica. If I am in Jamaica and they say "No problem" and it takes 45 minutes to get my drink, it's OK. That's Jamaica TIME. We are in Missouri. And when it takes 45 minutes to walk down the stairs and put your shoes on, you are NOT COMING and it's been more than a MINUTE!)
"MOOOOOM, you said we could go do something fun today!!!" (Followed by "the day is not over. I'm cooooming in a minute...")
LINGO
(After 7 year old misses basket...) "OH, for the LOOOVE OF CRUUUUUD!" (Followed by mom saying "watch your mouth")
(10 year old dancing in the kitchen singing) "She turned around and gave that big booty a smack, she hit the flo, next thing you know, shawty got low low low low low low low" (Followed by mom saying "sing something else"...which 10 yr. old replied, it's the beeest...it's the booty song...." UGH)
Mom responses are met with the likes of "Didn't you ever say anything your parents didn't like?" Or, "What kind of music did you used to listen to?" UM, NUNYA, ok. (No duh, like, fer sure, totally awesome, dude. I was so way bitchin, my momma didn't know what I was talking about half the time. And I didn't know all the words to Prince's Darling Nikki either ya skanks! LOL)
DRUMS
OK, not really a topic at all. But when the kids yell, "MOOOOM, you can't play the drums" I yell, Yes I can (crash cymbal), Yes I can (roll snare roll snare roll snare), YES I CAN!!!!
Rock on....when they grab the sticks, I go plug in guitar hero. Hey, if you can't beat them (which happens to be illegal), join 'em. More fun anyway....
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