Are You FREAKING kidding me? EWWW!!!

Are you freaking kidding me??? THIS is what my stomach looks like right now! AND my legs, AND my arms, AND AND AND!!! (I of course would have spared you the icky picture, but I've been in trouble in past for blogging about what things look like and not posting pic! AND, if you are my friend, this will get more sympathy ratings, and if you are NOT my friend and it grosses you out...GOOD!)

OK, let's go. SICK! So, I thought that I was having some dreaded allergic reaction to "last years" sunscreen that I decided to use. The other possibility was that it was some sorta dreaded reaction to Bath & Body Works (new flavor) lotion that I used the night before it erupted! OH, but no. Because that would mean that I could get an allergy pill or something and clear it up. NOOOO, instead...it's a delayed reaction to the Strep Throat I had a few weeks ago. (That in itself is blog worthy...I mean, am I six years old? Did I lick the handle on the grocery cart and forget that? My KIDS did not get Strep Throat. Why me? WHYYYYYYYYY????? *extra whining tone inserted*)

Guttate Psoriasis.
http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/psoriasis/guttate-psoriasis

ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME??? SO, here's the deal. I happen to have psoriasis. I happen to be extremely familiar with this crap disease. I also happen to have a form of arthritis that resembles rhumetoid that is called Psoriatic Arthritis. I inject Enbrel once a week and have become "a new woman" and a walking commercial. (To the tune of $1400/month without insurance; thank GOD I only pay $100). SO, I am extremely familiar with the PROGNOSIS of this crap! It basically has to "run it's course". Did I say "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?"

My high school reunion is in 2 weeks. Someone asked me "Well, what are you gonna do, strip at your reunion?" NO smarta@#$...but what about the hot dress I wanted to wear, never mind the pool day on Saturday!?! Never mind the fact that even if I didn't have a reunion coming up (and haven't dieted, so this is just an extra dose of ickiness) it's FLIPPIN SUMMERTIME!!!

GEEZ! Are you KIDDING ME??? SO, yes, it seems as though I am doomed to sport the lovely RAISED red rash for up to a month? Maybe longer???

UM, ARE YOU FREEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAKKKKKKINNNNNGGGGGGGGG KIDDING ME???

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm none too pleased.

Calling all Dog Whisperer's

Calling all Dog Whisperer’s


HELP! OK, here's the scoop. I have a Harley. He's my dog, not a hog. I adopted him 2 1/2 years ago from the pound after getting rid of a Jack Russell Terror. I LOVE this mutt! But I need major help right now, as the advice I've been hearing is to let him go.

FULL STORY: Harley pees in the house. He always has if I'm honest. I could sit here and justify him, which is what I've done for the past 2 1/2 years. 1) I am not good at ALWAYS putting him in his crate if I run somewhere. 2) I leave him out at night sometimes (to protect me)...and to keep from getting up when he barks for me in the middle of the night (honesty again). 3) He was a stray and a year old when I got him, so he had bad habits in place already.

Harley rules the roost. He goes in and out all day (which, when I start working, isn't gonna be happening). We always have to go open the door for him and have no idea if he's peeing or not as he just likes to play outside. He DOES NOT however want to be an outdoor dog at all and would drive my neighbors crazy sitting at the backdoor barking to come in. (He's NOT a barker, just when he wants in. Barks once. Then again. Then again. You get it.) SO, we have no idea what kinda potty schedule he really runs. All I know is, he has AMPLE time to be doing his deed OUTSIDE!

More of the scoop. I'm recently divorced (no, he's not traumatized, he peed at the last house too) and we've moved into new house. Well, he is quickly making my living room floor a pee stained mess!!! Once or twice ok! Not kidding, he did it THREE TIMES yesterday! WTF!!!! And I used to think I could only scold him if I caught him in the act. Well, nooooo, this dog knows exactly what he's done! If I call him nicely and he comes and sees me standing near it...he will stop mid tracks like "oh crap!"

Now for the good of Harley. He's a very sweet dog. He does let me know when there's strangers around :) He does give me a sense of security. He loves us unconditionally. My kids would be devastated to get rid of him (and that's something I would have a very difficult time with considering the rest of the transition I'm putting them through). He's way funny. He's fun to play with. He's part of our family dang-it! My little Harley-pants.

I've already considered how hard it will be having a dog when I go back to work. Who will let him out? How long can he stay in his crate all day...and then night too? What kinda life is that? But thinking about letting my Harley go is really really saddening me. HELP! Is there a magic pee pill???

Sorry to blog all over you.....

Things my kids say...Part 2...yep, there was a Part 1 sometime back.

Toes
While cutting my sons grossy gross dirty toenails tonight I was informed that "Albert Pujols toes are just like this." "REALLY, how do you know?" "I read it in a magazine." Really, like Celebrity Toes InDepth? What magazine was that?

Softball
This evening my daughter swung a little too hard? She informed me that she "cracked her butt". Um...I informed her she came that way like the rest of us???

Underwear
My 7 yr old son came stomping out of his room with his cutey little man gray briefs flailing around in the air (because no longer will we ever wear undies with cartoons on them and after seeing the little boy on the opposing baseball team the other night with NEMO flashing through his white b-ball pants...I'm a no-cartoon supporter) throwing a fit that "I ONLY HAVE ONE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR IN MY DRAWER!" After asking him sarcastically if he needed one for each cheek I sent him to bed and threatened him with laundry duty! Cheeeeky indeed!

Peek-sures
After seeing the recent pics I took and posted on Myspace my son informed me I looked OLD! He was specifically talking about one black and white photo so I replied "You mean like an old-time photograph?" To which he replied, "No, like you're FIFTY!" I sent him to bed that night as well.

Birds and Bees
My 10 3/4 year old daughter has no interest in learning too much about the birds and the bees. OK, fine with me. Although lately it seems that the topic comes up way too many times (innocently enough) with her 7 yr old brother in ear distance, or when we're like 2 minutes from arriving at next activity and "it's a longer conversation than this". The other day (with 2 minutes to arrival)she proceeded to tell me that she heard that Jamie Lynn Spears was having a baby (we're a little behind on "news"). Many times I've shared with my kids not to believe everything they read, that a lot of it is made up and to always seek truth. Well, she informed me that it wasn't true (and defended this to all of her friends) because she wasn't married! I told her that she WAS pregnant and that started it. "How?" "What exactly do you mean her and her boyfriend got together?" (Really? Exactly? Like right now 2 minutes out to arrival? Because I took you on an entire girls TRIP to try to get you to talk and you put your hand in my face saying TMI!) Luckily she's slept since then and discovered her butt is cracked...so we've not had THE conversation. Yay me for another couple of days probably.

Oh geesh...there's SO many more things that have had me half laughing at them lately. But I'm forgetting in my OLD AGE and can't think right now. So, I'll post a Part 3 later I guess.

BILLS

OK...so "I'm a big girl now...". I no longer receive fun mail order catalogs and invites to every subdivision affair. I don't open my mailbox to birthday party invites for the kids' friends (because they don't know our address yet...we just got home from a party via email invite). I haven't received a letter from a long lost friend or even a handful of sweepstakes entries (do they send those anymore or were they out-lawed?). I now receive BILLS, BILLS, BILLS. And guess what...they gotta be paid. HAHA

Today was bill writing day for me and I haven't written a bill payment in, hmm, like 15 years. SO, that was fun. Don't forget to write your account number on the memo portion. Make sure the address shows through the window. Place stamp in box. (Note to self...buy business envelopes because Ameren UE is too cheap to send return envelopes with their bill and I had to send it in a pink hallmark card envelope.)

Um, it is feasible to consider a job now. And "support" checks would be nice. EEKS, is my mortgage payment really THAT MUCH? Time to re-finance already!!! It is finished. They're all signed, licked and headed to the box. Yay me. (Hey, the Cosmo subscription was less than $20. What?)

Backtracking on house

SOOOO, I haven't taken any "after" shots of the house yet. But I will! Here's some lovely pics of the before action. We moved in with the help of many fabulous friends that I am forever grateful to on Memorial Day weekend. My kiddos were out of town and when they got HOME Monday, their rooms were put together and the house looked and felt like home. SOOOO many stories on the progress and happenings around this place. I may venture back and blog about some of them...or I may just stay on forward motion. THANK YOU MY FRIENDS FOR ALL OF THE SUPPORT, HELP, ENCOURAGEMENT, ETC ETC! Gonna find out what I'm made of now. Oh, I got mail too! Um, a mortgage bill and an electric bill. Yay me....

NO, it's not done...

Whoops, this is sideways. Oh well, I'm TOOOOO tired to re-do if that tells you how flippin exhausted I am. For all of you asking...the shower still looks like this. Double EWWWW. It's cracking me up. No one says...how are you? You all say "is the shower clean yet?"

I will be having a "the shower is clean" partay when it is finished. Tile man came so I haven't been in there an went on to painting. BUT, after looking a little closer...yes, that was quite sickening...I may be purchasing new shower doors. I WILL conquer that floor though! Yep, I will. My tootsies have to touch it some day. Triple EWWW!

This hurts, and that does too!

Everything hurts. Literally. My body huuuuuurts. Holy cow, how outta shape am I? It took me a full day 1/2 of work to clean the KITCHEN and 1/2 BATH at the new place. BUT, it is finished! Yay. This new place of mine is funky friends. The pics do not do it justice for the "before" shots because you can't really see the dirt. But I'll post some later. My hands hurt as I'm typing. My fingers are swollen and I've had rubber gloves on for 2 days and my hands would love a paraffin dip. My neck hurts when I turn it from side to side. (It would love a massage on the beach.) My back hurts from climbing under and over all the cabinets. (It wants to go to the beach with my neck and find that masseuse). My knuckles hurt because somehow I carved a hole in one. (Back to the paraffin). My eyes hurt from all of the weeds in the yard and lack of good sleep. Um, good sleep sounds good. My knees hurt from crawling around on them washing baseboards. They would love knee-pads.

I hurt. But did I mention how much I'm LOVING the pain!!! Yay...the reward of accomplishment is sweeeeeeeet. The tile man is coming...back to work I go. (OH, I now have 2 boyfriends. Mr. Clean and Murphy. Murphy Oil is his name. Jealous? So is the Tidy Bowl man....)

Toof-wess

 

FINALLY, he lost his top tooth. It's been loose over a YEAR! The bottom one you see missing was loose a week and then gone. Anyhow, I am half-way writing this blog in hopes that maybe my 7 year old will login and happen upon blogspot and accordion me. This is for you son...

NOOOO, the tooth fairy doesn't like some kids better than other kids. I happen to think a DOLLAR is quite a sum to collect for a little chunk of tooth. And look how entirely CLEVER she was. We put your little tooth into a plastic bag, tied a knot and voila', the next morning the tooth is gone and replaced with cold hard cash in the same plastic bag with the knot never being untied. WOW! (Hey, I always fell for it growing up.) Why, "back in the day"...I think the going rate was about twenty five to fifty cents. So paper money is progress and about as good as it's gonna get. It will continue to only have a one on it. Who knows why that fairy is paying some kids $5! I think it's silly. And why must you continue to take the fun outta being little. Quit asking if "we" are poor now and that is why you ONLY got one dollar. Quit asking if I am really the tooth fairy. BUT, if you happen to login and happen to come across blogspot and happen to know how to type accordionme...well...this is for YOU dear boy....I AMMMMM the tooth fairy...and ya better quit yer complaining or you're getting cut off!

Home Sweet Home

My new home. (I didn't say house. I said Home.)

Hawt or Nawt pt. 2

OK, mindless blog here. Reference Hawt or Nawt from past blogging. Once again, NAWT! It's no secret that I have a little inner rockstar in me (ok, maybe even a little outer). But this does not mean I want or need to look like Joan Jett!

Seriously, you would think 2 strikes and she should be out right! Problem is, I've been earning money and had hoped to get ma hair cut ala' FREE in a few months with those funds. But is it worth it to re-visit my master stylist butcher? Me thinks not!

SO, I guess I will be fore-going my moola and heading down to Muse on K. Hear it's THE spot. Yep, my girl Kell goes there. She gots cute hair. Julie Roach owns it and she's way HAWT. SO...I'll give it a whirl and my cash.

I have an opinion...read at your own risk.

OK, so...if you're a friend of mine, I'm sorry ahead of time and please know that the person with "depth" that you know and love is STILL in here...but this blog may be a little shallow and narrow minded and stereo-typish. And mom, I know you check in from time to time as well and I said I didn't care. Well, for all of you...I ask you to accept this blog for what it is...a momentary rant about a newly found/understood opinion on something I never really even thought to have an opinion on before but happen to think I'm right as usual type of thingy. Whew...onward we go.

SO, I'm almost officially divorced. Matter of days now. This seems to invite questions about my willingness, anticipation, desire to start dating. The EASY answer is...I'm not dating and I've got plenty to keep me busy without dating and I don't have an absolute answer for your questions because I just don't know and I don't sit around planning it out. THAT SAID...I have developed an opinion. I'll probably get raked over the coals by a few ppl for this opinion, but that's all it is. An opinion. Maybe even a little rant?

SO, I'm thinking that a single 28 year old man is probably more mature than a single 38 year old man. Yep, I said it. Or at least that's what I've been observing. Here's my theory. A 28 year old man is kinda at that age that he's probably not been married before, but he's totally ready and wants the American Dream. He's a "man" now and ready to settle down in career, family, etc. Well, the 38 year old "single" men are probably divorced, probably don't have their children living with them and have probably re-entered the club scene. It's easy for them. They don't have the same responsibilies as before. (Now, I'm not trying to make light of them not having their kids, that's a whole 'nother blog and it makes me sad. Stick to subject at hand.) They're like over-grown little boys at recess...only I guess that little boys at recess aren't ending the night having sex with random women -or women that you know "really well" because you've been chatting on myspace or hanging at the clubs 3 whole weeks together. YES, I said that too! And on that note, just because you have sex with one woman for 2 months and had a "real" relationship before changing women in a week doesn't make you any less of a ho. (None of this is even mentioning the ego-entrancing attention they get from younger women. Um, can you guys say "sugah-daddy" LOL. I'm pretty sure if I get attention from a younger guy he's not thinking I can support his artificial nail and shoe fetish.)

There's some kind of notion that just because a woman is divorced she will be free to re-enter club/and/or dating scene as well. Gotta admit, I LOVE to dance, I LOVE to hang out with friends, I LOVE to laugh, and if I'm there, I guarantee I'll be the life of the party and you won't want me to leave. But I will. And chances are I won't be there. I'm a mom. I'm an adult. I have responsibilities that involve others than myself and I kinda value relationships at a different level. As much fun as a night out may be, I'll get over it. I won't need to do it every other night or even every week. I'm in a different league and not going backwards.

SO...does this mean that I eventually find a 28 year old man (not 22-25, because they're still kids and have invented this word MILF which I have been called many times and I don't like to be called names so there...)? Simple answer is NO...it just means I have a newly-found opinion.

Told ya so!

 

 

 

 

Things MY kids say...part 1 (revised edition)

TONGUES

"Mom, how do you do that taco tongue thing?" (Followed by tongues hanging out of mouths and them not believing me that you can either do it or not...which I can. They can't. No matter how hard they try.)

"Mom, can you touch your nose with your tongue?" (No, nor do I want to. But Aunt Jenny can. Followed by more tongues hanging out of mouths pointed skyward.)


HAIR

"Mom, I'm 10 years old and you're still fixing my hair! Are you going to do it when I'm 23?" (Growl, well if she'd fix it RIGHT...ok, nvr. mind, she wins, point made.)

"Mom, I'm not cuttin my hair this winter. I need it to help me hibernate." (Followed by Kaleigh's lesson in the fact that bears do not really hibernate...what are they teaching these kids these days?...and newly spring cut hair! Yay, that shag mop had to go!)

BODY PARTS

While watching the stupidest-most-retardedest-movie-ever-created-and-I-got-to-say-"I told you so"-tonight...(Oh, that movie would be Monster House)...the 10 yr. old informed me that the chandelier was supposed to represent the boxing bag thingy at the back of your throat, to which the 7 year old corrected her by rolling his eyes and saying it was the "ooogula"!!! To which mom replied you mean the "uvula" to which both kids replied in unison "Who cares!" To which mom thought to herself...exactly!

7 year old returns from playdate and decides to refer to his maleness as his WEINER, which mom thinks is an ick word and says so. "Mom! I just meant it like the weiner dog!" To which 10 yr. old corrects while rolling HER eyes...the PC term is dachshund! To which now 7 yr. old maleness is termed the "dachshund", to which mom just rolls her eyes and thinks NVR mind.

TIME

"I'm coming." "I'll be there in a minute." "I SAID I was coming!" (Followed by my lecture of how we are not in Jamaica. If I am in Jamaica and they say "No problem" and it takes 45 minutes to get my drink, it's OK. That's Jamaica TIME. We are in Missouri. And when it takes 45 minutes to walk down the stairs and put your shoes on, you are NOT COMING and it's been more than a MINUTE!)

"MOOOOOM, you said we could go do something fun today!!!" (Followed by "the day is not over. I'm cooooming in a minute...")

LINGO

(After 7 year old misses basket...) "OH, for the LOOOVE OF CRUUUUUD!" (Followed by mom saying "watch your mouth")

(10 year old dancing in the kitchen singing) "She turned around and gave that big booty a smack, she hit the flo, next thing you know, shawty got low low low low low low low" (Followed by mom saying "sing something else"...which 10 yr. old replied, it's the beeest...it's the booty song...." UGH)

Mom responses are met with the likes of "Didn't you ever say anything your parents didn't like?" Or, "What kind of music did you used to listen to?" UM, NUNYA, ok. (No duh, like, fer sure, totally awesome, dude. I was so way bitchin, my momma didn't know what I was talking about half the time. And I didn't know all the words to Prince's Darling Nikki either ya skanks! LOL)

DRUMS

OK, not really a topic at all. But when the kids yell, "MOOOOM, you can't play the drums" I yell, Yes I can (crash cymbal), Yes I can (roll snare roll snare roll snare), YES I CAN!!!!


Rock on....when they grab the sticks, I go plug in guitar hero. Hey, if you can't beat them (which happens to be illegal), join 'em. More fun anyway....

Good Friday...more than See's

OK, so I've had a few comments that maybe Friday's candy blog down-played the "goodness" of Good Friday. Um, being the crazed busy woman I am at the moment, I take my days in sections. I had not gotten to "Good Friday" section of Friday when I posted the See's blog. I was still working on the coffee pot I think and chocolate raided my home.

BUT, thankfully, I DID tune in to Good Friday and went to service last night. It was a very worshipful evening. I went alone, but ran into a few good buddies and was able to have fellowship AND alone time at the same time. Does that make sense? Anyhow, we were able to worship together and take time to reflect on the duality of the sadness and goodness the day represented. The day our Savior died on the cross for our sins. The day we were forever forgiven. There was some strong conviction happening. We've been in a series titled "Comfy". Basically, as Christians we can tend to like our cross as long as it's "comfy"...coated in pillows all soft and fluffy, all the lovey dovey verses in Scripture; leaving out the tough stuff. But the truth is, it's a narrow road that few will take. Hmm, eeks, I really do like that there is grace available along that road. REALLY REALLY. For me, there was a lot of reflection happening. I had time to really search my heart on this "forgiveness" idea. I've wrestled with that one over the years. Long ago, I wasn't sure if I could forgive myself for some things (or forgive others for things done to me for that matter). Letting go of things wasn't my specialty and I had a hard time moving forward from mistakes.

Someone got in my face one time (a Christian friend) and put it this way: "Do you believe Jesus has forgiven you?" In my fully accepting, new Christian enthusiasm, I replied "yes." To that was this response: "Then is it not arrogant of you NOT to forgive YOURSELF knowing what HE has done to forgive you and wash away your sins." OK, point made. SO...I've thought of that many times over the years when letting things go that I've done wrong. In turn is true repentance (hopefully)...don't do it again, right. That's the hard part...anyone with me on this?

ANYHOW, Friday WAS good. It was a sincere time of reflection. I hope that you took (or will take) time to reflect on the duality of Christ's suffering and goodness. On His love and forgiveness towards us. I am gonna take time to hug and love my kids and consider the things I am thankful for and the life I've been given and new life available to all.

OH, and if ya wanna see some serious questions to help ya ponder your walk this week, ck out scarlettomato:

RR, here's the 2 I picked out.
_Would a non-religious person know from your decisions if you were Christian? If you were religious? What would they think?
_Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

Question #1: Um, I don't consider myself "religious"...I consider myself a Christian, but the word "religious" kinda has a negative vibe to it that I steer from? BUT, in answer to the question...maybe, maybe not. (That was deep huh. But I'm pondering it...fyi).
Question #2: I don't know, all my picture books show them covered in leaves, so I can't see the belly button area...Let me know what you come up with.

Peace out and Happy Easter!